Phil and Anna have spent over 43 years together, navigating the ups and downs of life. Now, as they sit at their kitchen table surrounded by retirement brochures and financial spreadsheets, they find themselves in familiar territory—at odds over what comes next. Anna dreams of traveling the world, while Phil worries about making the numbers work. Despite decades of shared experiences, they’re struggling to find common ground.
Sound familiar?
In this episode, Dr. Richard Himmer delves into the universal challenge of communication within relationships, particularly during life’s pivotal transitions—like retirement. But this isn’t just about logistics or money. It’s about how we engage with one another when life throws us curveballs. Dr. Himmer introduces us to a concept that many overlook but is absolutely foundational: the Rules of Engagement (ROE)—two universal principles that transform how we connect with those we love.
Create a safe emotional and physical space for the other person.
Empathetically listen by truly understanding their perspective, free of personal bias.
These two principles are not just tools for avoiding conflict; they are pillars of the Board of Directors Meeting, a communication strategy introduced in the previous episode. Think of your relationship as a boardroom where each partner holds an essential role. The ROE serve as the bylaws, guiding how you communicate and make decisions.
In the previous episode, Dr. Himmer laid out how treating your key relationships like a well-functioning board of directors can streamline your communication and decision-making. This system helps ensure that both partners have a voice, a vote, and a role in the vision for their future. But without the ROE in place, even the best-laid plans can derail. In this episode, Dr. Himmer illustrates how the ROE are the foundation of that system—ensuring that your "board meetings" (i.e., discussions with your spouse) lead to connection, not conflict.
Here’s a deeper question to consider: What if the way we communicate with our loved ones could be as structured, clear, and productive as the way a successful company operates? What would it look like if every conversation, like those in a boardroom, was approached with empathy, respect, and a genuine desire to understand the other’s point of view?
Dr. Himmer highlights the importance of understanding communication blindspots—those hidden habits that unknowingly sabotage our conversations. Through the lens of Phil and Anna’s story, he demonstrates how a conversation about retirement dreams can quickly turn into a battlefield of unspoken resentments and missed opportunities for connection.
But it doesn’t have to be this way. By following the Rules of Engagement, Phil and Anna—and every couple—can transform their "board meetings" into opportunities for deepening their partnership. And it’s not just about retirement. These principles apply to any major decision in life: raising children, managing finances, or even deciding where to live.
Dr. Himmer also challenges us to rethink our motivations in conversations. How often are we trying to be “right” instead of truly listening to understand? This shift in approach, guided by the ROE, is the key to unlocking more harmonious and fulfilling relationships—not just with your spouse, but with family, friends, and even coworkers.
And here’s where it gets profound: the ROE are universal. They work in every relationship because they are based on principles, not just situational tactics. Whether you're speaking to your spouse, a colleague, or even yourself, the principles of creating a safe space and listening empathetically always work. And that’s the core of the Board of Directors System—these foundational rules ensure that every relationship in your life can thrive when approached with the same clarity, structure, and care you would give to an important business decision.
Imagine the relief that comes from knowing you don’t have to fight the same battles over and over again. Imagine being able to walk away from a conversation with your partner feeling heard, respected, and connected.
As Dr. Himmer explains, the goal is not just to avoid conflict but to build lasting, principle-based relationships that grow stronger over time. And it’s all possible with the right system in place.
Listen in as Dr. Himmer brings together psychological insights and practical strategies for mastering communication in all areas of life—especially in the relationships that matter most.
P.S. — Looking to dive deeper? Check out Dr. Himmer’s digital course, How NOT to Retire, for an in-depth, step-by-step workshop to building a fulfilling and purpose-driven retirement.
As a loyal podcast listener, access the course for FREE and gain access to expert insights, practical tools, and a new way to think about life beyond the paycheck.
Questions about the course? Email us anytime at plan@madronafinancial.com!
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