There’s a subtle tragedy playing out in countless conversations—in marriages, financial plans, and retirement dreams. It happens not with malice, but with good intentions. It begins when someone shares a concern and is met with a solution instead of understanding.
A to-do list instead of a question. A fix instead of a feeling.
In today’s episode of How NOT to Retire, Dr. Richard Himmer explores one of the most overlooked skills in both relationships and retirement planning: the art of problem finding. We’ve been conditioned to believe that action equals value. That providing answers makes us smart. That solving quickly means we care.
But what if we’re solving the wrong problems—over and over—and never stopping to notice?
Drawing from decades of coaching couples, working with financial planners, and studying the psychology of identity and communication, Dr. Himmer dives into the blind spots that arise when we assume we know what someone needs. Whether you’re a financial advisor, a spouse, a leader, or a lifelong problem solver yourself, this episode offers a powerful invitation to stop rushing toward solutions and start asking better questions.
You’ll hear the story of a couple whose financial conversations repeatedly hit a wall—not because they disagreed, but because they were operating from entirely different definitions of what the real problem was. One wanted safety and emotional clarity. The other offered diversification strategies and spreadsheets. The result wasn’t resolution—it was disconnection.
We also revisit the “Impossible Triangle” in retirement planning—growth, liquidity, and protection—and why trying to chase all three at once is like trying to find a unicorn wearing a calculator. What we often believe we want isn’t just unrealistic—it may be rooted in unspoken fears, assumptions, or the inability to sit with ambiguity long enough to find the right problem to solve.
This episode is a call to slow down. To listen longer than feels comfortable. To recognize that the speed of your answer may be inversely related to the depth of your understanding. And to realize that emotional intimacy isn’t built by knowing—it’s built by noticing.
Because the cost of solving the wrong problem isn’t just inefficiency. It’s trust. It’s connection. It’s the future you thought you were building… slowly drifting off course.
Tune in now, and remember: Don’t try harder—try different.
P.S. — Looking to dive deeper? Check out Dr. Himmer’s digital course, How NOT to Retire, for an in-depth, step-by-step workshop to building a fulfilling and purpose-driven retirement.
As a loyal podcast listener, access the course for FREE and gain access to expert insights, practical tools, and a new way to think about life beyond the paycheck.
Questions about the course? Email us anytime at plan@madronafinancial.com!
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